Item 101
by MoiraHawk
Summary: Barton and others are participating in GISHWHES 2013, and he wants Phil's help on a certain item. Post Avengers and a very brief mention of a character from Marvel's Agents of SHIELD.


_**Kind of a random write here, but once I had the idea in my head, I couldn't not write this. Just the image of Phil doing this alone was making me laugh.  
None of what you recognize is mine. I'm just having too much fun with the characters.  
Enjoy!  
**_

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_****_Phil Coulson impatiently tapped his fingers on his desk.

He was happy to be back on duty, back in his suit, back as Fury's right hand man, back on the helicarrier, and back with his two favorite field agents. Loki was gone, New York was safe, he wasn't dead. It had been a crazy couple of weeks, but everything was finally going back to normal. Well, as normal as things could be working for a top secret agency that dealt with "special circumstances" and "unique characters". Bad guys, good guys, the occasional alien, you know how it goes. Phil faced them all with his usual demeanor and smooth talking. All in a day's work.

Apparently, though, today was a special day. He knew that getting back on the field was going to be annoying slow and that he would mostly get stuck behind his desk. With orders to take it easy, he knew he wasn't going to see much off the helicarrier. No field work, anyway. Which left paperwork, and lots of it. After all, there are always steps to be covered, ops to be dismissed as training exercises, Starks ridiculous inventions to cover up as weather balloons and so on. He accepted the task willingly, just so he could be back. It was going to be a nice, relatively relaxing and quiet recovery.

Or so he thought.

Phil did not count on his two field agents being on board as well. He figured there were assignments to be done, some sort of field op that had to be handled by two of the best, or at least one of them. But Fury had them all on, what he called, "a well-deserved vacation". Being the infamous Black Widow and Hawkeye, though, they weren't going to relax anywhere but on base. It just wouldn't be them if they stayed away from the job for too long. Fury kept them off cases, though, or at least the bigger jobs, which meant they had a lot of free time. Most of which went to making Phil's relaxing recovery not-so-relaxing.

Across form Phil sat Clint Barton. His arms were across his chest and his boots were crossed up on Phil's desk. Phil politely asked Clint to keep his boots on the floor, but that only lasted for a second. Hawkeye always had a stubborn side to him. A trait that saved his ass, and the lives of others, more than Phil could remember.

On the desk between them was a video camera and an iPod. Just moments earlier, Clint had come bursting in with a sheet of paper in one hand and the camera in another, rattling on about some scavenger hunt he and a few others on board had decided to partake in. This wasn't the first time Phil heard about the scavenger hunt, but he did specifically say he wanted nothing to do with it. Especially after he read the 150+ items that they had to find in under a week.

Phil glanced down at them for a second, before looking back at one of his favorite agents.

"No," he said, straight to the point, his fingers no longer tapping. Clint only blinked, his gaze intensifying on his handler. "Clint, you know that won't work on me. And before you say it, Natasha can't stare me into submission either, so don't bother."

"C'mon, Phil! It's just one item. One tiny, little video."

"No, Clint. I told you I wanted nothing to do with your little game-"

"It's not a game," Clint cut in. "It's the Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen."

"Whatever, I have important stuff to do. Go find someone else to cure your boredom."

Clint sighed loudly, and sat right in the chair, his boots hitting the floor with a loud stomp. Phil thought that was it, and that Clint would stalk off and take his camera and iPod elsewhere. But he was wrong. Clint leaned across the desk, the scavenger hunt list suddenly appearing in his hands.

"But there is no one else, Phil. You are the only one on this boat who can do this one particular item. Just this one thing, c'mon." Phil sighed and rubbed his forehead, trying to prevent the headache that was already starting to arrive. He regretted inquiring about the item as soon as the words left his lips. Clint smirked and quickly scanned over the list before finding what he was after. He laid the sheet before Phil and pointed to item 101.

Phil scanned it over quickly, then looked up at Clint.

"Let me rephrase my last few responses. HELL NO."

Clint sighed loudly, smacking his hand on the desk. "C'mon, Phil! It isn't that hard!"

"Not the point, Barton! For one, I am not the CEO of a major corporation. Hell, I'm not even a CEO!"

"Details, details." Clint said with a wave of his hands. "You're close enough."

"No, no. Close enough would be Fury, being as he is the director of S.H.I.E.L.D.. And I can tell you right now that he would definitely not do this. He'd probably throw you off the helicarrier for even asking."  
Which was probably one hundred percent true. If Clint stormed into Fury's office like he did Phil's and began rambling on about a scavenger hunt, it certainly wouldn't end well. Asking Fury to do what Clint was so nicely asking Phil to do was suicidal.

Phil took a quick glance back at the item on the list. "And Beyonce? What the hell, Barton."

Clint smirked wickedly and gave Phil a knowing look. "You've got the moves, Phil."

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Clint chuckled, and the sound made Phil rather uneasy.

"Please, I know a lot of what goes on around here. You've seen me when I get bored, and you know I have many perches that I like to hide in. Many places where I am concealed and no one ever knows I am there."

"And I know many of those places well. I have often gone looking for you, or helping Natasha do so on numerous occasions."

"But you do not know them all." Phil raised an eyebrow, and Clint grinned like the Cheshire cat himself. "So, you know that when I say you've got the moves, I am not just grasping at straws. I've seen you dance to Beyonce, so don't deny it."

Phil had the urge to smack himself, and maybe hit Barton for being nosey, but it wasn't worth it. Clint was good at keeping secrets, both personal and highly classified, so he knew he had nothing to worry about. Well, he hoped not, anyway. He just prayed that Barton kept that little bit of information to himself and didn't go telling anyone about it.

Phil sighed and ran a hand over his face, before glancing at the list again.

"For the record, I hate you. Also, I don't know all the dance moves to 'Single Ladies', anyway. Not to mention that I still am not a CEO of anything. I'm just a handler."

"Again, details, details. You've got a suit on and a name plate on your desk. You seem official enough. And I'm sure we can get our hands on the music video for you to brush up your dancing skills on."

"Barton, NO." This time, Clint stood up, slamming his hands down on the desk. Phil would have jumped if he didn't expect this. When Clint gets frustrated, he has a habit of hitting things.

"But, it's for charity, dammit! C'mon, Phil! Just one item, man, please!"

Phil sighed and picked the paper up, reading and rereading the item as if some way of him getting out of it would magically appear. Clint wouldn't leave this office until Phil either agreed to do the stupid video or had him forcefully removed. Neither idea seemed like a good one in the long run.

Phil placed the paper back on the desk and gave Barton a hard look. "Do I have to do the whole song?"

Clint smirked, leaning back in his seat and resuming his laid back position of crossed arms and boots on the desk. Phil eyed his boots and he swore his eye twitched, but telling Barton to sit right wouldn't get him anywhere.

"Nope, only 30 seconds worth." Phil nodded. That wouldn't be too bad.

"If I say no again, are you going to continue to pester me about it?"

"All day. And I can get creative with this, Phil. Very creative." And Phil knew it, too.

Phil sighed and rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "Fine. I'll do it."

Clint smacked his hands together in celebration and let out a joyous "yes!"

"But!" Phil interjected, standing from his chair. "I want your word, Barton, that this video never gets out. EVER. No one else can see it except for you and Natasha, only because I know you will show her no matter what I say. If this leaks, I will make your next few assignments a living hell. Natasha's, too. ARE. WE. CLEAR?"

Clint stood and put his hand out for his handler to shake. "Crystal, boss. Now let's get this item finished."

_**Weeks Later**_

Phil was finishing up some paper work pertaining to his new recruits when Fury's voice boomed over the intercom.

"Agent Coulson, please report to the rec room immediately. I need a word with you." Phil responded accordingly before stepping out to meet his boss.

It wasn't often he met up with Fury anywhere other than his office or on the bridge, but the rec room wasn't entirely unusual. Someone probably tried to take on Barton or Natasha and lost. Wouldn't be the first time. That's how he discovered Ward, after all.

He heard some commotion outside of the rec door, mostly laughter, before someone shouted "Play it again!" Phil walked in just as 'Single Ladies' began playing. He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw himself on screen, shaking his ass around his desk. The door slammed behind him and a few faces turned to see him. More laughter ensued and a few cat calls greeted him. Even Fury was laughing.

"Guess what, Phil! We are allowed to show the pictures and videos we took of our scavenger hunt!" Clint said as he approached him, slapping him on the back. "And I must say, your video was probably the best one we shot."

Phil was practically shaking as his voice took on a thunderous sound, "BARTON!"

Clint let out a loud laugh before he bolted out the door. Phil turned after him, his lips lifting into a grin against his will. So much for a relaxing recovery. 

* * *

_**So this past summer I participated in something called G.I.S.H.W.H.E.S. (Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen) and one of the items was a 30 second video of a CEO from a major corporation wearing a business suit dancing to the song "Single Ladies" by Beyonce, using the same dance moves from the video. I had this funny thought of Barton asking Phil to do it and this is what came from it. I finally decided I had to get it in writing. Hope you all enjoyed!**_

_**Reviews will be lovely!**_


End file.
